A Conversation With A Well-Meaning Friend

The other day, I had the following conversation with a friend, who I will call WMF. Wait, that doesn’t look right in type. I’ll call her Jennifer. No, that’s not her real name, I just like saying, and typing it. Jennifer. 😀 Okay, I’m attracted to a Jennifer, and I think she knows it. Anyway, let’s get to the convo before I get too distracted with my thoughts of the lovely Jennifer…

Jennifer: My girlfriend came out to me yesterday. I have two gay friends! Yay!

Me: You’re cheering that you have two gay friends? Why?

Jennifer: Because it’s awesome! It means I’ve grown enough as a person to be able to accept their sexuality, and they trust me. Don’t you have any gay friends?

Me: (shrug) I don’t know. (I do, but you’ll see why I didn’t say so)

Jennifer: How can you not know? Haven’t they told you?

Me: It’s possible. Even probable. If so, I forgot.

Jennifer: (aghast) How could you forget something like that?!

Me: It’s irrelevant.

Jennifer: No. It’s not. It’s an important part of who they are!

Me: No. It’s a tiny aspect of who they are. To me, they aren’t a gay guy, or gal. They are friends. I have no interest in their sexuality. Their sex life is not relevant to me. I’m not my gay friend’s – if I have any – type.

Jennifer: What about their causes?

Me: What about them?

Jennifer: Don’t you support gay marriage?

Me: Yup. Gay folks have just as much right to be miserable as everyone else.

Jennifer: (laughs) That’s mean.

Me: Okay, not miserable. But, they do deserve to get married if that’ll make them happier. They deserve to be treated with as much respect and dignity as anyone else.

Jennifer: Then how can you say you don’t care if you have gay friends?

Me: Because that is what acceptance is. Not caring about their sex lives. Not identifying people based on who, or what, they are attracted to. I care about two qualities in people: Their intelligence, and their sense of humor. The way I look at life is: As long as no one gets hurt, do what you want.

Jennifer: Oh. That makes sense.


4 thoughts on “A Conversation With A Well-Meaning Friend”

  1. Sounds like she said “Oh, that makes sense.” just to end the conversation, not necessarily because she came to agree. Being gay IS an important thing to acknowledge in a friend. No, its not what defines them, but unlike straight people who have their sexuality assumed since birth, being gay is something that is isn’t shared unless there is trust. At least acknowledge that trust – or realize that the trust isn’t there if they aren’t sharing it. If you don’t know if your friends are gay then you obviously aren’t someone who can share their feelings, relationships, intimacies, dreams, etc. And those things ARE what define a person.


    1. That’s one way of looking at it. I actually know that I have some gay friends. I just didn’t confirm for this friend that I did. A couple of them actually came out to me, too. One before he even told his parents. The thing about them is they new I didn’t (and don’t) care about their sexuality. I consider human sexuality to not define people. What defines them, though, is their intelligence and humor. That’s what our friendships are based on.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it.


  2. That’s a great way of putting it. What I wish is that sex didn’t define our relationships. To me it should be only a part, like you say it should only be a part of the person. Unfortunately sex seems to be the lynchpin to most relationships – meaning that absolutely EVERYTHING else in the relationship could be perfect, but if the sex isn’t satisfactory the relationship won’t last. And frankly, its a rare relationship where the sex is 100% satisfactory to both parties.

    Sorry, went off on a tangent there…


    1. No worries. I like getting people’s opinions. And, you are correct, unfortunately, sex is all too often the linchpin.
      I wonder, though: Is that due to unfulfilled expectations, or to unvoiced, unfulfilled expectations? I think there might be a blog post in that question. Let me think on it for a while…


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